Ok-

I have had a bit of time to think and pray, and feel in a much better mental place to deal with this. It is sunny in Yanji, i have my thesis the-students-celebrate-it-is-over party tonight, and tomorrow i am supposed to have lunch with one of my students, and then MC our English Department Christmas party, which takes a lot of preparation, and i hope, on Saturday evening to meet with some of the Russian students from Yanda. Somewhere in there i need to make a worship set, and have worship practice, because I am leading on Sunday morning.

If i decide to keep pushing ahead with Korea, it may mean some crazyiness, but i could probably take some kind of a vacation in february that would be much closer to home so to speak. Ironically travelling within China would be just as expensive as the trip i had planned to the middle east, which was a really good deal, but it wouldnt be the end of the world- and there may be some possibilities that i could in fact get all of these documents by the start of school in February.

I have realized thought that part of me wants to stay at YUST a lot, to teach the thesis students, and the English Teaching methods class, and the pronunciation class.... To get to know some of the students better who i have built relationships with, especially our YUST russian speakers, who i feel like i have kind of neglected this term. I would love to continue to help Chunhua in her amazing work here.... Maybe i just need to figure out what i want.

God is being good to me, and sifting through many other problems and weaknesses i have, including a) my trouble in saying no to things that are asked of me b) my trouble saying no to one potential life because i want to live both potential lives at the same time... this theme has recurred often in my life...

Thanks for your support and kind words to me... i feel the power of your pr- already

Thor

STUCK~!

So the rug was pulled out from underneath me on Tuesday, as my status here had suggested. On Tuesday, this was the beautiful plan for my life...
A) Go on fun trip to middle east after this term is over and see dear friends the VanSlotens, the Millers, Jerilyn Sambrooke, Ben Post, Jeremy KnappB) Have a great and meaningful job at a great university in Korea and make 30,000$ a year, at least 15,000$ of which i would be able to save to give me a head start for a very comfortable...C) 2009 entry into a PhD program, with plenty of time to apply.

BUT BECAUSE OF ONE SEXUAL PREDATOR MY BEAUTIFUL PLAN IS RUINED!!!

Korea passed a new law which stipulates that all foreigners wanting to teach in Korea must have an FBI background check, as it turned out that there were sexual predators who came into Korea on an ENglish teaching visa. As you know i am living in China now, and I had hoped to do my Korean visa here, before I flew to Turkey on January 3rd. I thought that i had been already hired at Handong, and that the visa process would be a speedily accomplished formality, given the numbers of foreigners who work as English teachers in Korea.
I got an email from Handong on Tuesday, not only informing me of the background check referred to above, but that i actually didn't have the job at Handong.... yet.

It said:
"that you were recommanded as a new faculty member. We're going to do a process for recruitment. I would like you to submit as below,
1. Application Form (refer to the attached file)
2. Original Transcript (Bachelor, Master)
3. Original Diploma (Bachelor, Master) * Your diploma will be return to you when you come to Handong. The diploma is for issuing your visa.
4. Work Experience proofs (Certificate of Experience and employment)
5. List of accomplishment in research activities.
6. Research papers since March 2003, or about three outstanding papers including doctoral thesis within the most recent five years.
7. 11 copies of your photo
8. Carbon copy of your passport
9. Criminal Background Record which is issued by your country"

Well I didn't know that i would have to go through a whole second review and interview process, which at best would be finished by the end of December. Even if I could possibly assemble all these documents to Korea, which would involve:

1.) sending a BA diploma from the US
2) getting MSU to reissue an MA Diploma which I have never seen, sent to my parents, then sent to Korea,
3) getting Work Experience Certificates from Lithuania,
4) sending a list of non-existant research activities, as i have been working at teaching universities,
5) getting what ever a carbon copy of my passport is and
6) convincing some Chinese policeman to notarize my fingerprints, getting it translated into English, and then sent to the FBI to wait 16-18 weeks for processing...

...even if it were humanly possible to get all of this done in the next few weeks, i wold still have to wait for their review process, and that would mean cancelling my trip to the middle east, giving up my position at YUST, all for a job i may not even get, mainly because of a document that may or may not take 16-18 weeks to issue....

So I am left with what i see as two options, which are equally scary...

1) Keep the great trip to the middle east, just stay at YUST, and give up the dream of working at Handong and having a real job for the first time in my life... It makes sense in some ways to finish out the year here. I probably have enough supportleft to do it. But then the question is THEN WHAT?? If i were to aim for an Aug 2008 entry date I would need to get my applications in YESTERDAY, and some of the deadlines have already passed... And instead of having a nice 15,000$ nest egg to start a four-year PhD adventure with- enough to maybe even get a car, i would be starting at a school, with no guarantee of a 4-year assistantship mind you, with a savings account of 0$!!

OR

2) Throw away the trip to the middle east and spend the next two months frantically assembling documents. This would quite probably involve a 1800$ trip to the United States to get a 18$ document from the FBI. However there is no guarantee at all that it would be even possible to be in possession of said document in time for the school year to begin on February 18th. So even though there is a possibility that i would be able to get this great job in Korea, there exists the very real possibility that i would be stuck in the US, with no document, no job in Korea, no longer this great and meaningful job at YUST, no possibility to get a job in the US. I couldn't even live with my parents, because there is no job in Traverse City that I could do, and even if i could find a job i would have no car to get there, and even if i could find some kind of job that i could walk to in some city, i would still have to pay rent somehow to live there. I have unlearned how to live in the United States, and I can't imagine how it would be possible for me to live and work there.

I just feel like Satan is really lying to me- that my skills are unneeded, that my education is all wrong. Several of the universities I applied to in Korea never even got back to me. Maybe my CV is horrible. Everyone says "oh great you know so many languages" but that doesn't help me get a job. WHo needs someone who can speak 6 languages kind of well? better if i spoke two fluently. I just keep picturing myself getting stuck in a dead-end job in America, just to be able to afford the car, which i need to get me to my dead-end job, alone and isolated.
And the annoying thing all this needed to be decided already- every day the plane tickets both to the middle east, and to the united states are getting more expensive. The longer the indecision goes on, the harder it would be to take any of the paths. And noone can give me any clear answers of if it is worth it to keep pursuing the job in Korea, or if it is worth it to try to aim for a Phd start in 2008. But what else would i do? I'm almost 30, and i feel my youth rapidly draining away. I always thought that by this point in my life i would know what the heck i am supposed to be doing when i grow up...

I know i have a lot to be thankful for. I really thank all of the people who have enabled me to be at YUST so far. This semester has been amazing in terms of opportunities. Know that this is written out of the tension and frustration of dealing with all this on top of a SUPER stressfull week of theses and course registration, being sick and sleep-deprived...

I know they say God will make away where the seems to be no way. I just can't see it!!!